The sexualization of the black woman

I did not intend to post today; rather I was going to wait until tomorrow. But then I read something that made me so agitated that I couldn’t put off writing today and ran to my computer to pound away my angry words.

While surfing Facebook, I came across a post by my Soror, Dr. Katrina Sparks shouting out another Soror, Anowa Adjah. I myself had shared the post when it came out but I had no idea that it was my Soror. Soror Adjah was featured on the Facebook page belonging to www.blackdoctors.org. Keeping it real, Soror Adjah looks amazing. She looks so amazing that it is hard to believe that she is over 200lbs. So what is the problem? The problem is some of the responses that Soror Sparks post garnered.

This is the picture used SororAdjah

And here is the responses to said picture by a man who shall remain nameless, photo

Although, that response had me seeing red I calmly asked. “Who is she teasing?” His ignorant response was

photo (1)

He went on to say more gibberish but I stopped reading and started getting angrier and angrier. As a black woman, it always amazes me how our bodies continuously sexualized even when we are not trying to be sexy. Here is a beautiful black woman showing the world that you can be 200+ pounds and still have a FANTABULOUS body yet, all this man could conceive is that she was trying to “tease” the masses. Blackdoctors.org, used Soror Adjah  to promote their article, While I did not get a chance to ask this man personally, I do wonder whether he would have had the same commentary had she been a “white woman” in any of the countless fitness magazines. I mean let us look at Tara, editor-in-chief of Shape Magazine and her bikini pose.

tara

Is she teasing people too? Or is she showcasing a body that with hard work and perseverance can be had by some woman too? Repeatedly blackwomen are sexualized through no fault of their own. Even when we are at our worse, or what we think is our worse we are being catcalled. What makes these comments cause me to burn even more is that the commenter is a man of color. Is it not enough that we are objectified by “white america?” Do we have to be objectified by “black america” too?

It is this type of behavior that continues to perpetuate “white privilege” and all that comes along with it. We criticize our own race for the same things that “white america” gets away with. I for one am tired of it. I am tired of being sexualized. I am tired of being objectified. I am tired of hearing statements like, “You should know I liked you…don’t you see your lips and breast.” I am tired of it all. Yes, I look sexy. Yes, I appreciate compliments but there is a way it can be done where I do not feel guilty for looking sexy. It is not elaborate. It is not complicated. It is actually quite simple.

Blackdoctors.org had a reason for displaying Soror Adjah the way they did. They were not trying to display how sexy she was she really is. Rather they were proving a point…ditch the scales because sometimes it interferes with one’s weight loss goals. You can check out that post here.  I salute my Soror  for just having twin boys and maintaining a fabulous body. I want that body and I will be doing my damnest to get it. Check out her blog to see how you too can get that body. Here is to being healthy and being able to display that healthy, sexy body without being called a tease.

Words of wisdom: Women who love themselves are threatening; but men who love real women, more so.” ~Naoimi Wolf

In health,

Maliyka

 Pictures courtesy of:

http://www.shape.com

www.blackdoctors.org

Dr. Katrina Sparks

Advertisements

Lessons of a woman and the New Year

audre-lorde Without going into specifics I am going to stand up and say I have had my heart-broken. Looking back, even when I thought that I had surpassed the age of being young, dumb and full of c*m I really wasn’t. Here’s the thing though, after getting irrefutable proof  had whispers of truth but I wasn’t listening because I placed myself on a higher pedestal than he had placed me and believed him when he said no I took back my life and disregarded his low pedestal placement of me. Rather, I placed myself higher than what he had deemed I deserved and moved on. Out of that situation, I learned a few things.

  1.  There really are good men out there. Yes that heartbreaker was an a**hole but through it all, I was lucky enough to have a few “good” men in my corner who pointed out his “wrongness” and mine too. They broke down the science of the situation and gave me the courage to keep it moving. 
  2.  Intuition is God whispering to you…listen. Stop waiting for him to scream. It hurts more. Now keep in mind that sometimes that intuition can be based off of your own insecurities. That’s something that only you will know. 
  3.  Women are the root of all things related to male bullsh*t. That’s right I said it, and I will stand by my proclamation. More times than not, we women choose to make excuses for our men folks and the foolery that they do. We tend to turn a blind eye and and not blame them rather we blame the other woman or some other inconsequential factor. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes the other woman deserves the blame. More often than not, she is just as much a victim as you are. Women are cruelest to each other and men have capitalized on that fact.

 While I am no relationship guru, I do know that the grass is not greener on the other side. I say with experience, stop settling for bullsh*t. I get that at some point we all settle for something. It’s not a matter of settling. Rather it’s choosing what to settle for. Too often, we are settling for things like money or someone to pardon our eggs on their death march that we forget our own worth. Contrary to the word on the street, money cannot buy you happiness. It does buy you false security. Eff what you heard and trust that just about everyone who has settled for bullsh*t has those hours in the dark of night when she sheds a tear for the whore that she has allowed herself to come all for the sake of the all american dream; a husband, which picket fence and 2.5 kids.

Now I respect that for many, my  definition of bullsh*t is different from theirs but I am sure most will agree that dealing with someone who doesn’t respect you is bullsh*t. No relationships are not easy and sometimes there will be bullsh*t. I am not talking about the bullsh*t where all he does is work and watch sports. Or the kind where he never saw a broom or a mop. Or even the one where he leaves the toilet seat up and toothpaste in the sink. Stop and think for a minute. You know what bullsh*t I refer to. I am talking about where he is cheating on you and and not call him out and make him accountable you cover his faults and make excuses. I am talking about the bullsh*t where is hand is constantly touching you in a harmful way. I am talking about the bullsh*t where he has you thinking that you are not smarter than a 5th grader. I am talking about the bullsh*t where you continue to act like his side piece when you know that he is never leaving his front piece. Yeah that’s the bullsh*t I am talking about.  

Today, is a new day. There is no need to “Act like a lady, and think like a man.” As matter of fact, stop trying. It is impossible. They really are from Mars. What you can do and should do is know your self-worth. Know and own up to it. You are deserving of someone who will treat you like a Queen and honor you . No one wants to be alone. I get it. But sometimes being together with someone is detrimental to your soul. At the end of the day, all of this here on earth will disappear. Your goal should be the riches of the afterlife where the bullsh*t of the world will be light years away. So on this new day in this new year, I wish you all strength and prosperity. I wish you serenity. The ability to make change. I wish you happiness and peace. Most of all, I wish you the ability to love yourself before loving someone else. I urge you to walk forward in the new year not with a resolution but a determination to succeed in this game called life. Stay beautiful. Stay bright. Most of all…stay well.  It;s a jungle out there and sometimes it will take you under.

Words of wisdom: “Ladies let me give you some advice: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people.” Tucker Max

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Picture Courtesy of: Bing Image

Giving is good for your health: The “Help Robinson” Cause

Rob's fundraiser Now if you are following me, then you know that I ENJOY community service. When I accepted an award back in January, a part of my acceptance speech was, “To whom much is given, much is required.”  I live my life in service and fellowship with those who have the same belief when it comes to SERVICE!

The principle of service is so near and dear to me that it is my focus for today’s post. In honor of man-up Thursday I salute Rob Robinson! Rob, is an elementary school teacher where I rest my head every night, the Bedford Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn. Over the years, Bed Stuy has had its ups and downs. It went from being a crackhead’s haven and no one wanting to come in to a gentrified dwelling and everyone rushing in to snap up its historical brownstone. Here’s the thing, gentrification doesn’t benefit everyone. As a matter of fact, gentrification tends to push out people. The people who were there when crack vials and needles littered the streets are not considered when gentrification takes root. Rob teaches the children who gentrification would seek to cast aside.

Knowing this and holding steadfast to the Igbo and Yoruba Proverb, “It takes a whole village to raise a child,” Rob has made it his mission to make sure that the young ladies experience what some of them seem to believe is a but a dream never to come true. This man is on a mission to take the young ladies in his class plus a young lady in foster care and one who recently loss her mother to the American Girls store in NYC. This is what I call a REAL man. He cares for home and heart as well as others!

I don’t know about you, but in a way I was privileged. We didn’t have much but I know that I had more than some of these young ladies even begin to imagine that they can have. How can I not support their dream? How can I not share their dream with others. I hope that you find it in your heart to make their dream come true. These children come from struggling backgrounds. There is no way that their mothers could begin to put out the dollar amount necessary for them to go to the American Girl store. Now I wouldn’t ask you if I haven’t done so already to give to this cause. It is indeed a worthy cause. Children deserve to grow old on special moments. I know I have. With that being said, I hope that you find it in your big generous hearts to give to the “Help Robinson” cause.  Believe it or not, there really is a health benefit to of giving! If you don’t believe me click here to read all about it.

Words of Wisdom: “One knee does not bring up a child.” ~Tanzanian Proverb

In health,

Maliyka

What every man should know about the menstrual cycle

First off, I am so sorry for the union tended hiatus. When I Sid that I may not blog everyday, I didn’t mean this. Ever since Hurricane Sandy my life has been on fast forward. While sitting in a business meeting yesterday my log came up and I realized that I hadn’t put fingers to keyboard in two months. Laying in my bed unable to fall ack asleep I figured I ought to remedy that. So here I stand and go figure on a day that I have yet to post a blog for.

When I started this blog, I coined Thursday as “Man-up Thursday”. Now the sensitive man or the liberal woman might think that I am trying to insult the male race and call into question their manhood. That is not the case at all. Honestly, it just sounded good. Today is the one day that I will talk about issues specific to men. So worry not men…man-up.

I am sure every woman will agree when I say that, men confuse me. I swear sometimes I think that they are eternally two years old. At 30+ years old I expect a man to know certain things. That includes the basic mechanics when it comes to a woman….the woman they are sleeping with regularly…menstrual cycle. It is appalling how many men don’t grasp it and have the balls, pun intended to rely on the woman to be diligent. What the hayle…I am tired and I am sure my fellow womenfolk are too.

Years ago, I told one of my brothers that they should know their partner’s cycle as well as their partner. It’s not rocket science and with today’s technology it’s easier than ever. But because y’all menfolk are special, I am going to give you the gift of free information. In a nutshell, I am taking away your cough EXCUSES.

First off, the proper word to describe that dreadful wrapped in joy monthly occurrence is menstruation. Yes, I know self included that we tend to se the word “period” to describe it but in truth a period is a form of punctuation. On average, a woman’s cycle is 28-days but it can range from 21-35 days in adults. Everyone is really different and even more every month can vary. The 1st day of the cycle begins the day her menstruation starts for any given month.

In the first half of the cycle, levels of estrogen (the “female hormone”) start to rise. Estrogen makes the lining of the uterus (womb) grow and thicken. Concurrently, an egg, or ovum, in one of the ovaries starts to mature. At about day 14 of an average 28-day cycle, the egg leaves the ovary. This is called ovulation. As the egg makes its way through the fallopian tube to the uterus hormone levels rise and help prepare the uterine lining for conception. Conception is more likely to occur during the 3 days before or on the day of ovulation. This is because sperm can live longer than an egg. So if you had intercourse 3 days ago, that sperm is chilling waiting to pounce. It can also happen 1 to 3 days after, based on the same concept. Keep in mind, women with cycles that are shorter or longer than average may ovulate before or after day 14.

A woman becomes pregnant if the egg is fertilized by sperm cell and attaches to the uterine wall. If the egg is not fertilized, it will break apart. Then, hormone levels drop, and the thickened lining of the uterus is shed during the menstrual period. The day before the menstrual engines is the last day of her cycle.

In a 28-day cycle, a woman is typically infertile from day 21 to day 5 of the next cycle. Her fertile day typically starts on day 6 even if she is still menstruating. Please understand that a woman can conceive while she is menstruating.

So you see, it is really not rocket science. While you may not be the one going through the chula body changes you too can take an active role.

Since you menfolks are visual beings, I was able to find the most graphic picture so you could understand the mechanics. I suggest you memorize it. It may save your pickets cause babies are expensive.

20121227-064230.jpg
(Photo can be found here)
Well guys that’s all for now. I have 30 minutes before I need to officially get up. I am going to try and take a nap before then. I hope you learned something today. If conception occurred and you didn’t take an active role in preventing it, you have no one to blame but yourself. If you wanted conception to occur…congrats cause your a dad.

In health,
Maliyka is health