HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME: PRAYERS FOR US

Posted on August 14, 2014 by Maliyka A. Muhammad, MA, MPH

Today marks my 34th year and I know I am blessed. After all, I am here. While feeling eternally grateful that God chose to let me close out one year and begin another, I’m a bit sad. Not because God didn’t grant others the same. Rather, I’m saddened at the manner in which their lives were ended. Over the past few days, I’ve been following the happenings of #Ferguson. I’ve shed the tears and I’ve gotten angry even though I have no real energy anymore to do so anymore. I’ve read the articles acknowledging that, “America is not for Blacks.” I’ve acknowledged that too. It’s really not.

Y’all go ahead and keep thinking that all of the laws, which affords us some rights were put in place because we were on their mind. Trust and believe that if they could, they would have it so that we can’t benefit. At least other countries are open about their caste system and the lesser folks know that they won’t benefit from anything. We the only ones who sing kumbaya and think they’re thinking of us.

I’ve had the heavy twitter discussions. I’ve used twitter to call out and question elected officials. Most of all, I’ve prayed.

I’ve prayed for the protection of my family, friends, even my enemy. Michael Brown is just one more name to add to the never ending names of people who were killed by the people who are charged with protecting us…serving us. If we are honest, that’s the biggest problem. These are the people who are paid to protect us, killing us!

There’s no question that people like myself, hate that those among us are killing ourselves. We question why. The answer is quite simple and rather than debating on the whys, those of us who can need to do more. The psychological effects of slavery years later are still present. We expect those who don’t even love themselves, to love someone else. It’s impossible. Love is an emotion that’s learned. Love is reciprocated. Slavery ended over 100 years ago and the Civil Rights only 50 years ago, yet the damage done during that period is still present. Many of us are a people who never learned how to value ourselves and were constantly told that we were not worth any value. The self-hatred that we display evidences this. However, that still does not negate that those who are charged to protect us from even ourselves can’t be trusted to do so. How are we supposed to feel safe when we can’t even expect that?

President Obama called for reflections after Michael Brown’s murder. I disagree. We don’t need to reflect. We reflected when Medgar was killed. When Malcolm…Martin…Shu’aib…Sean…Trayvon… Oscar…Jordan…….were all killed. The time for reflection is over. We need ACTION…JUSTICE…ANSWERS…A PLAN. We don’t need another petition….rally, rather we need legislation…laws…punishment to end this era of being unsafe from the people who should be taking care of us. We need to hold our elected officials accountable for their failure to stand by us…for us when it comes to ensuring that we are protected…made to feel safe.

Today, as I celebrate my birthday I will be reflecting on what more I can do to ensure that future generations do not live in fear of not just the people in their hoods killing but the police as well. While I will not be present physically at the vigil for the National Moment of Silence today at 7 pm today, I will be taking a moment to be silent in memory of all of the men and women, boys and girls who were gunned down and treated as if they never mattered. Today I say prayers for all people of color that one day they may be able to interact with all no matter their color and not be afraid. I say a prayer for all of the mothers and fathers who have buried their children as a result of a senseless death. I say a prayer for those who are childless, yet want to children but live in fear of birthing a child to the madness of the world. I say a prayer for peace…harmony…fairness… happiness…love…justice. I just PRAY!!!

Words of wisdom: “Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will. Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them, and these will continue till they are resisted with either words or blows, or both. The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress.” -Frederick Douglass

In Health,

Maliyka

GROWING-UP FATHERLESS: MY FATHER’S DAY WISH

Posted on June 5, 2014 by Maliyka A. Muhammad, MA, MPH

After reading my Booskie Carrie Pink’s heartfelt Mother’s Day post, I knew that I had to tell my story. Her story, which you can read here, was absolutely poignant and raw. Every day, I thank God for the woman who birthed me and nurtured me, as well as the woman who came along later in life and nurtured me. I am who I am because God placed these two women in my life. Unfortunately, the father, who is very much alive, was absent.

This past year, after sacrificing and getting sick, I realized that the man who gifted me as a daughter was truly unworthy. Some may want to keep secrets, but I realized that it is a secret that I no longer choose to keep. After reading the SBM post on Madame Noire, which can be read here, I realized that by not saying anything, we enable these men, including my own father, to continue doing what they do: Have babies and fail to take care of them. While I stay far away from the belief that this is what Black men do, there is no question that this is what some males do. As a matter of fact, the CDC recently released data that showed that compared to White and Latino fathers, Black fathers are heavily involved in their child’s lives.

Credit: Los Angeles Times

Unfortunately, my father does not fall into the involved category. Rather, my father is as absent as one whose father is deceased. The irony is that he is very much alive and involved in the community at large. Somewhere along the way, he forgot that charity starts at home. My father has been blessed with 14 children. While I will not speak for them, I am confident in saying that the legacy that he will leave behind is not one that any man should be happy leaving behind.

They say sons need their fathers. The truth is…so do daughters. A father is supposed to be the number 1 man in his daughter’s life, which shows her what she is worth to a man. He is her protector. Her role model. Her champion. He is her dad.

I am comfortable and confident when I speak for all “Fatherless Children” when I say that I agree that at some point, men who fail to handle their responsibility for the gifts that God granted them, children, should not be allowed to have anymore. Some may complain about their rights being taken away, but what about the rights of the children they father. What happens to them when they grow up without a father who is right there? At what point will the enabling end? At what point will words of forgiveness stop be bandied about? At what point will those that refuse to acknowledge that they, too, have been affected by the absence of their father admit the truth, if only to themselves?

Here is to the men who, from the day they knew they were going to be fathers and stepped up and continue to stay in the active fatherhood lane. Words cannot express how happy this makes me. Children are a gift and should be cherished. They are not pawns or tools for advancement. If you are that father who realized this and lives the realities of fatherhood daily, I salute you not just on Father’s Day but every day. My wish is for all men who have been gifted to realize that their role in a child’s life is everlasting. Here is to the man who has stepped in and become my Daddy. My life, while still scarred from my real father’s absence, is just that much happier. I love you, daddy.

While I probably never wish my biological father a Happy Father’s Day, I am fortunate to know some great men. There will always be that little girl inside of me who wants my father to be my father in action and not name only. A part of me knows that no matter how old or successful I become, there will always be a piece of me that will not be whole. Even still, I wish peace and harmony for the man who shared his essence to create me. Maybe one day, he will see just how his action hurt. In the meantime, I will salute those men who continue to be fathers in words and actions and speak out against all those who forgot that God gave them a precious gift when He bestowed a child upon them

Words of Wisdom: It is much easier to become a father than to be one. ~Kent Nerburn, Letters to My Son: Reflections on Becoming a Man, 1994

In Health,

Maliyka

P.S. Stay tuned to the “Growing-up Fatherless” Project that myself and two other fatherless children will be debuting. It’s time to celebrate good fathers, ostracize bad ones, and empower the children that suffer from the decisions made.

Lessons of a woman and the New Year

Posted on January 1, 2014 by Maliyka A. Muhammad, MA, MPH

Without going into specifics I am going to stand up and say I have had my heart-broken. Looking back, even when I thought that I had surpassed the age of being young, dumb and full of c*m I really wasn’t. Here’s the thing though, after getting irrefutable proof ~~had whispers of truth but I wasn’t listening because I placed myself on a higher pedestal than he had placed me and believed him when he said no~~ I took back my life and disregarded his low pedestal placement of me. Rather, I placed myself higher than what he had deemed I deserved and moved on. Out of that situation, I learned a few things.

There really are good men out there. Yes that heartbreaker was an a**hole but through it all, I was lucky enough to have a few “good” men in my corner who pointed out his “wrongness” and mine too. They broke down the science of the situation and gave me the courage to keep it moving.
Intuition is God whispering to you…listen. Stop waiting for him to scream. It hurts more. Now keep in mind that sometimes that intuition can be based off of your own insecurities. That’s something that only you will know.
Women are the root of all things related to male bullsh*t. That’s right I said it, and I will stand by my proclamation. More times than not, we women choose to make excuses for our men folks and the foolery that they do. We tend to turn a blind eye and and not blame them rather we blame the other woman or some other inconsequential factor. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes the other woman deserves the blame. More often than not, she is just as much a victim as you are. Women are cruelest to each other and men have capitalized on that fact.

While I am no relationship guru, I do know that the grass is not greener on the other side. I say with experience, stop settling for bullsh*t. I get that at some point we all settle for something. It’s not a matter of settling. Rather it’s choosing what to settle for. Too often, we are settling for things like money or someone to pardon our eggs on their death march that we forget our own worth. Contrary to the word on the street, money cannot buy you happiness. It does buy you false security. Eff what you heard and trust that just about everyone who has settled for bullsh*t has those hours in the dark of night when she sheds a tear for the whore that she has allowed herself to come all for the sake of the all american dream; a husband, which picket fence and 2.5 kids.

Now I respect that for many, my definition of bullsh*t is different from theirs but I am sure most will agree that dealing with someone who doesn’t respect you is bullsh*t. No relationships are not easy and sometimes there will be bullsh*t. I am not talking about the bullsh*t where all he does is work and watch sports. Or the kind where he never saw a broom or a mop. Or even the one where he leaves the toilet seat up and toothpaste in the sink. Stop and think for a minute. You know what bullsh*t I refer to. I am talking about where he is cheating on you and and not call him out and make him accountable you cover his faults and make excuses. I am talking about the bullsh*t where is hand is constantly touching you in a harmful way. I am talking about the bullsh*t where he has you thinking that you are not smarter than a 5th grader. I am talking about the bullsh*t where you continue to act like his side piece when you know that he is never leaving his front piece. Yeah that’s the bullsh*t I am talking about.

Today, is a new day. There is no need to “Act like a lady, and think like a man.” As matter of fact, stop trying. It is impossible. They really are from Mars. What you can do and should do is know your self-worth. Know and own up to it. You are deserving of someone who will treat you like a Queen and honor you . No one wants to be alone. I get it. But sometimes being together with someone is detrimental to your soul. At the end of the day, all of this here on earth will disappear. Your goal should be the riches of the afterlife where the bullsh*t of the world will be light years away. So on this new day in this new year, I wish you all strength and prosperity. I wish you serenity. The ability to make change. I wish you happiness and peace. Most of all, I wish you the ability to love yourself before loving someone else. I urge you to walk forward in the new year not with a resolution but a determination to succeed in this game called life. Stay beautiful. Stay bright. Most of all…stay well. It;s a jungle out there and sometimes it will take you under.

Words of wisdom: “Ladies let me give you some advice: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people.” Tucker Max

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Picture Courtesy of: Bing Image