Children without being married: The blame game

imageIt’s been a minute but I don’t have time for real pleasantries. So “Hey folks,” let’s dive right in.

I am in a #hotepnegro filled group and this question was:
“Unmarried fathers: why didn’t you marry your child’s mother?”

The amount of bullshit answers that was received is hilarious. Now mind you, this is a group where the HOTEP Negro men love to dissect BW thoroughly and in such a derogatory way. This is the same group where some of the men lacked adequate testosterone to engage in dialogue without calling me derogatory names. Very few have answered the question. The majority of those that gave an answer, gave the most asinine and unintelligent answers. Somehow they found a way to blame the black woman. I find it interesting that we as black women are the cause for every bit of failure that happens in this society and BM have none. Check out some of these responses:

“You might not get a lot of responses on this one.”

“Because they knew she was a jump-0ff/hoe. Which, equals non-marriage material. I was married almost 12 yrs to my soon to be ex. This would be my answer if I was in their shoes.”

“Maybe it is as a simple as he is not financially stable….”

“I know just as many women who like sex. I bet the majority of females in here pontificating has partook in the pre-marital bliss before saying “I do”. I however, do not condone unprotected sex.”

“I don’t have any kids but I can only guess its because marriage is a commitment, fucking you is not…..and before yall say what about kids, how many single mothers you knw?” To be fair the author of this comment engaged in amazing dialogue and was able to come to an agreement that both sexes just don’t take responsibility.

“Sometimes people don’t marry because it would cut off benefits.”

“Because the majority of baby mommas didn’t want to be married in the first place, but gave off that impression to a good man, just to have a child, and then ran him off! and then she went and tried to marry a deadbeat and put the child around his loser self!”
Those were just some of the comments. There were more that just blew my mind away. It amazes me how many folks live in glass houses yet love to throw stones. Here’s a reality, children involve an egg and a sperm. Having sex is one way that the two can meet. Regardless of whether you are engaging in protected sex or not be it condoms or birth control or even the rhythm method there is always a possibility that conception might occur. Actually the way sperm are programmed, they are fighting for conception. Women release on average one egg whereas, when a man ejaculates that hundreds of making baby driven sperm that are released. It takes two to procreate. The moment you (male) laid down with her you accepted the possibility that you could impregnate her. While your intentions may have been to just get your rocks off, the fact is that you opened the door for a baby and whatever else this woman may want of you. The same goes for women. Stop operating on assumptions. Yes, he want to have sex with you. Yes sex can result in procreation. It doesn’t mean that procreation will equal marriage. Stop allowing the opportunity for good penis to cloud your judgement.

In short…. If you smashing know that 1+1 most definitely equals 2. This doesn’t make me a feminist. That makes me a REAList.

In health,

Maliyka