Children without being married: The blame game

imageIt’s been a minute but I don’t have time for real pleasantries. So “Hey folks,” let’s dive right in.

I am in a #hotepnegro filled group and this question was:
“Unmarried fathers: why didn’t you marry your child’s mother?”

The amount of bullshit answers that was received is hilarious. Now mind you, this is a group where the HOTEP Negro men love to dissect BW thoroughly and in such a derogatory way. This is the same group where some of the men lacked adequate testosterone to engage in dialogue without calling me derogatory names. Very few have answered the question. The majority of those that gave an answer, gave the most asinine and unintelligent answers. Somehow they found a way to blame the black woman. I find it interesting that we as black women are the cause for every bit of failure that happens in this society and BM have none. Check out some of these responses:

“You might not get a lot of responses on this one.”

“Because they knew she was a jump-0ff/hoe. Which, equals non-marriage material. I was married almost 12 yrs to my soon to be ex. This would be my answer if I was in their shoes.”

“Maybe it is as a simple as he is not financially stable….”

“I know just as many women who like sex. I bet the majority of females in here pontificating has partook in the pre-marital bliss before saying “I do”. I however, do not condone unprotected sex.”

“I don’t have any kids but I can only guess its because marriage is a commitment, fucking you is not…..and before yall say what about kids, how many single mothers you knw?” To be fair the author of this comment engaged in amazing dialogue and was able to come to an agreement that both sexes just don’t take responsibility.

“Sometimes people don’t marry because it would cut off benefits.”

“Because the majority of baby mommas didn’t want to be married in the first place, but gave off that impression to a good man, just to have a child, and then ran him off! and then she went and tried to marry a deadbeat and put the child around his loser self!”
Those were just some of the comments. There were more that just blew my mind away. It amazes me how many folks live in glass houses yet love to throw stones. Here’s a reality, children involve an egg and a sperm. Having sex is one way that the two can meet. Regardless of whether you are engaging in protected sex or not be it condoms or birth control or even the rhythm method there is always a possibility that conception might occur. Actually the way sperm are programmed, they are fighting for conception. Women release on average one egg whereas, when a man ejaculates that hundreds of making baby driven sperm that are released. It takes two to procreate. The moment you (male) laid down with her you accepted the possibility that you could impregnate her. While your intentions may have been to just get your rocks off, the fact is that you opened the door for a baby and whatever else this woman may want of you. The same goes for women. Stop operating on assumptions. Yes, he want to have sex with you. Yes sex can result in procreation. It doesn’t mean that procreation will equal marriage. Stop allowing the opportunity for good penis to cloud your judgement.

In short…. If you smashing know that 1+1 most definitely equals 2. This doesn’t make me a feminist. That makes me a REAList.

In health,

Maliyka

The mental illness no one wants to talk about: Suicide

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A few weeks ago, I came across a video that literally had me in tears. In this video two women talked about their experience with attempting suicide. They were young and African-American. As sad as it was, it was enlightening.

For many years, suicide as been coined as a “white” person problem. Over the years, it has turned out o be furthest from the truth. According to the CDC, the most recent data shows that the highest suicide rates were among American Indian/Alaskan Native males with 27.61 suicides per 100,000 and Non-Hispanic White males with 25.96 suicides per 100,000. This group even had the highest rates for females. The Asian/Pacific Islanders had the lowest suicide rates among males while the Non-Hispanic Blacks had the lowest suicide rate among females. What is alarming is the rate for black men. The rates of suicide among black men are four times higher than black women. That number was from 2009 which, was not to long ago. The data also shows that between 1980 – 1995, the suicide rate among Black people ages 10-14 increased 233%, as compared to non-Hispanic whites.

The question is why? Going back to the video that the two women posted, they blamed their suicide attempts on being molested and bullied. Researchers blame it on socioeconomic (SES). The theory is that poverty causes mental illness and suicide is a result of succumbing to that mental illness. For black men, it has been theorized that the root of the problem goes back to slavery. The emasculation that was experienced has now become a part of the black man’s life making him more susceptible to mental illness and therefore suicide.

The reality is that, we must accept that mental illness is an issue and take steps to address it. Yes, from a religious perspective I believe that suicide is an eternal sin that is punishable by God. In the Muslim faith, it is believed that the way a person kills themselves will be the way they kill themselves in hell. Even still, while I don’t have any concrete numbers I am sure that some Muslims have killed themselves suicide bombers aside. We all understand the power of rather however, when someone is so mentally distraught directing them to only pray is not the best thing to do. The fact that someone is note playing suicide shows just how fragile their mind is. A fragile mind is the devil’s playground. The devil will have a person believe that a wrong is so right.

The reality is that suicide exist among people as a whole. The time has come when we must stop shoving its existence into a far corner. I commend these two college educated women who happen to be members of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc.. I hope their courage and honesty inspired someone o reach out and seek help from a professional. I hope that it inspired people to be vigilant among their friends or families. Suicide is usually preceded by numerous signs that are often times ignored. Don’t be afraid to get butt into your loved one’s lives if you think that something is wrong. You just may save their life. If you can’t help them there is always someone who can. Give them this number, 1-800-273-8255. It’s the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States

Words of wisdom: Suicide: a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

In health,
Maliyka is health